Mad Minions 3
Mad Minions 3 is an encounter in the Madness & Magma mission hub. It comes after Mad Minions 2, Insane Armsmen if you have Boots of Magma Walking, or Deranged Disciples 4 if you don't have Boots of Magma Walking. Enemies *Insane Trapper (1300 Gold, 160 XP, 100 Energy, 8 HP Normal) *Insane Hunter (1300 Gold, 160 XP, 100 Energy, 8 HP Normal) *Insane Witch Doctor (1300 Gold, 160 XP, 100 Energy, 8 HP Normal) Transcript Introduction The second bridge proves to be as survivable as the first, withstanding your collective weight and sparing your lives in the way that all good quality bridges should. Once more it brings you onto a platform of rock that rises high above the burning magma. And as before, a band of goblins occupies that little space. This time you’re better prepared to deal with them. “Welcome, followers of…” “That one,” you whisper, gesturing to the speaker – a male dressed in the garb of a witch doctor. “I want that one alive.” “You’ll have him,” Rakshara says. “You must answer the final riddle,” the goblin continues. “Then you may join the other disciples, and revel in madness!” “Madness!” the other goblins half-chant, half-cackle. “Madness!” “Fine,” you reply. “Let’s hear it.” “Why did the chicken cross the road?” “That’s not a riddle!” Hugh says. “It’s a joke, and a sodding old one at that. The chicken crossed the road to get to the other side!” “Lies!” the witch doctor screams. “You’re not mad at all! Kill them! Kill the sane ones!” Conclusion Your hands close around the witch doctor’s collection of necklaces, tightening around the half dozen cords. Dangling bones and other gristly tokens clatter as you shake him. “So you’re insane, are you?” “Yes! The madness! The madness!” You yank him towards you, and slam the top of your head into his green features. There’s a crack and a cry. When you see his face again you note that the bone beneath his right eye has given way. The eyelid above the injury twitches at speed. The eyeball jerks to the side as though about to pop from his skull. “How about now?” you ask. “The… The madness…” You pull your head back. “Wait! Wait! I’m sane! Sane like you! Sane like… like a monkey!” “Are monkeys usually sane?” Tessa asks. “They throw excrement at people they don’t like,” you reply. “Saner than chucking it at blokes they do like,” Hugh says. “Perhaps…” You shake your head, dismissing the tangent. You’re not trying to decipher the nature of simian sanity. “If you goblins are sane, why, why are you acting like lunatics?” “The robed ones! They pay us! Pay us to protect their sanctum, to question outsiders! Only followers of the mad one are allowed to reach them!” “You earn gold by pretending to be insane,” Tessa says, “and murdering people who aren’t insane?” “Yes!” “That’s… It’s… Well, I mean…” “Insane?” Brachus asks. “Tell me about these ‘robed ones’,” you say. “Who are they?” “One is called Gareth, and one is called-“ A second headbutt. A second crack. A second scream. Symmetrical injuries. What are the odds? “Useful information, you fool. Not their names. They’re a cult?” “Yes!” the goblin half-shrieks, half-moans. “A cult! A cult! They worship the mad mage!” “The mad mage?” But even as you ask the question, you know what the answer will be. “Guilbert! Guilbert the Mad!” Tessa murmurs a curse. So do a few of the others. The rest merely seem confused. The goblin trembles, staring into your eyes as though they were those of a demon. And if they reflect even a third part of how you feel, you can’t blame him. The past… Always the past. Nothing stays dead, nothing buried. It all comes back to mock you. Resurrected people and happenings, yanked from their temporal tombs and thrust in front of you like shambling zombies. A life spent picking through the scraps from his table… “No!” the goblin cries. “Wait!” But you don’t listen. You drag him towards the edge of the rock, pulling on his necklaces, reddening his neck with their abrasions. The goblin kicks. He struggles. But he’s a weakling. And you’re strong. “No…” he moans. The word is so soft it’s almost intelligible. His twitching eyes gaze down into the molten rock, at the hungry, fiery orange below. “Just a moment,” Hugh says. He plods over to you. The goblin’s head snaps around. He stares at Hugh like a starving man glimpsing a piece of meat. “I want to know something,” he continues. “Yes! Yes! Tell you anything! Everything!” “What was the answer to that riddle? Why did the chicken cross the road?” “Because the road was a bastard!” You swing the goblin by his necklaces, the cords biting deep into his neck, and fling him off the edge. He doesn’t manage to scream before the magma takes him. Guilbert the Mad… Category:Madness & Magma